Ace Nollywood producer cum actor, Zik Zulu-Okafor and his wife, Adora, talk about their marriage of 15 years
How long have you been married?
Zik: We have been married for 15 years. We actually met when she
was rounding off her secondary school and I was rounding off my
university. I wrote a drama script that focused on education in
secondary schools. It was recommended to be performed by students and
she was one of those picked to take part in the drama. After that, she
left for the University of Lagos and I started working as a journalist.
Then, we met again. We became friends but it was in her third year that
we started seeing more of each other. We got married in 1998.
What was the attraction?
Zik: First, it was her decency. Also, I am attracted to people
who are very brilliant; she was also very mature even though she was
just in form five when we met. She was not carried away by the fact that
I was about rounding off my university education. I met her again at
the university when I went to do my Masters in International Law and
Diplomacy and she was an undergraduate. She was so mature in her ways
and dealings. My wife was not your every day woman, she was very calm
and already a Christian. What really hit me was, anytime I stopped to
check her in the hall, she was always out. One day I had to ask her
where she always went to and she told me the story of a boy that was
abandoned by his parents at LUTH after birth. He was paralysed from the
waist down and she always went to take care of him. For that reason
alone, I just thought she was an extraordinary person and I needed to
take her seriously.
Adora: I fell for his oratory skill. Even though I only met him
once, I thought he spoke well and that was a major attraction for me at
that time. The decision for marriage was principally based on God’s
word. It may sound like a cliché but irrespective of his other good
qualities, after praying for a while, I was so sure he was the man for
me. Eventually, when we started the relationship, I realised again that
he was a very confident man. Confidence is measured not by how much a
man has in his pocket, but how he encourages his woman to be what she
was created to be. He is not your tall, dark and handsome man but for
me, my prince charming is the one that allows you to be yourself.
How did he propose?
Adora: I don’t think there was anything like a formal proposal.
Before we hit it off eventually, I actually asked him what the
relationship was all about. I was not looking for a one-off affair. From
the outset, we knew where the relationship was heading except for
unforeseen circumstances.
Zik: She was sleeping when I slipped the engagement ring into her
hand. When she woke up, she said, ‘What is this? And I said, ‘You are
my wife.’ Then, both of us had done one or two things that we knew we
just had to get married and there was no going back.
Was there opposition from any of the families?
Zik: No, she had an incredible father. When I went for the
introduction, it was just my friend, Mike Nliam and I. I had just made
my first film and was still struggling. I went with two packs of juice
and a bottle of wine. I was in my jeans and shirt. I told her father I
am not a rich man but I promised him that I was going to love his
daughter with my life. Secondly, I told him that I was going to be
successful enough to the extent that he would be proud to introduce me
as his son-in-law. He said he liked the fact that I was very confident
about my future and that he did not have a say in who his daughter
married as long as she loved the person.
Were you bothered by the fact that he was a Nollywood person?
Adora: The only resistance was from my mother and a few extended
family members. For me, it was a genuine concern but in every
profession, you have people of loose morals. The only difference is
that you see the people in entertainment industry on television everyday
and read about them in the newspapers. So, everyone assumes that they
are the most promiscuous. Personally, I did not have those fears because
he had showed himself to be disciplined and focused.
Did you accompany him to locations when you first got married?
Adora: We were actually all over the place together and it was
not to monitor him. It was because we were starting life together at
that time. You know how you try to save costs when you are going for
presentations. Then, we had a one-man squad company, we would accompany
each other.
Zik: She even had to act in my own film and sometimes supported
me by providing costumes. She was there to see to the welfare of the
cast and crew. We were always together even till today. She is a public
relations consultant, so she still does some things for my company.
Were the early years of marriage tough?
Adora: For me, the first 10 years of our marriage were actually
the best years. I know that we still have more years together but if
there is anything like turbulence in the marriage, it actually started
10 years after. In fact, for the first 10 years, I did not realise I was
married because we did not have any issue. We were living like we were
not married. We never had any friction and when people describe the
first few years of marriage as stressful, the reverse was the case for
us and yet we did not have money.
Zik: There was no money and only a small car was available to us.
We never quarrelled about who would drive it because it was always
available for anyone to use at any particular time. It is even now that
we disagree strongly but the greatest thing is that the disagreement has
never provoked a thought of being tired of our marriage.
Who is the first to say sorry?
Adora: I would say 85 per cent of the time, my husband does.
Maybe because he is the one who gets into trouble the most or because he
is the dove of the family while I am the ‘jaguda.’ Most times, it is
not like anybody is waiting for the other to apologise but because of
his nature, he makes the first move.
Zik: I always tell her that life is too short and I don’t want a
day to pass without me being happy. I want to be in a permanent state
of happiness and if there is any problem, I just want it to end and I
can continue being happy. So many times, she has apologised to me in
ways that I like to emulate. Our disagreements do not last because we
are incredible friends.
Is he romantic?
Adora: He is a die-hard romantic and very spontaneous. He calls
me like a million times every day and kisses me much more! He tells me
how much he loves me every now and then. He engages in public display of
affection even when I am shy.
How much time do you spend together?
Adora: A whole lot. We attend functions without the kids and
sometimes, we send them to their grandma’s place while we go to lodge in
a hotel. Our children understand that we love to spend time alone so
when they see us getting dressed, they know we are either going on a
date or getting ready to ship them to their grandparents’ place.
What is your advice to someone who wants to marry an entertainment practitioner?
Adora: She should take an informed decision and not go into
marriage for emotional reasons. Marriage is more than the lovey-dovey
moments; it is a life time commitment. Yes, there is a lot of glamour
in the industry, some get carried away and think marrying someone in the
industry is a ticket to attend red carpet events. Showbiz is more than
attending parties; they are in the public eye so you also need a high
level of maturity to be able to cope with the things that come with it
especially if you are not in showbiz yourself.
Do you have pet names for each other?
Adora: Not really, we just come up with all sorts of names for each other.
Zik: She calls me ‘Ziko for Life.’
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