Friday, August 30, 2013

Men Of God And Nigerian Weddings



This is an interesting piece I want to share with you all. Maybe the topic above is not right but read through and I know you will understand what this writer means.

”Church weddings, Men of God, Nigerian Wedding, Typical Naija Wedding”

“Church wedding is absolute nonsense without scriptural foundation. The idea of pastors joining anyone together can be supported by books written by the so-called men of God, but you will find no single Bible verse to support it. Real wedding is what we call engagement in Nigeria. It is a shame, but my niece once chatted her mother up on a show-of-shame wedding on Gbasemo Street, Ikorodu, where a Unclad bride and her equally Unclad friends were dancing in the church. They were US-based, and had reportedly offered the ministers a large sum.


The ministers, loyal servants of their bellies, said nothing about their dressing. Before long, thugs and a few locals had stormed the frontage of the church, shouting obscenities at the ladies. “Ori awon eleyi daru ni?” (Are these ones mad?), etc. Now, what my niece said (and I do not feel comfortable saying it) : “My mummy, that sister is wearing blue panties.”


It makes absolutely no economic sense to buy a foolish gown which you will never put on again. I have heard the claim that the gown will be put on the woman when she dies, but how do you know that you will die where your clothes are, or that that gown would still be your size? This is pure foolishness.



Again, I’m still at a loss as to why Nigerians cannot just put on native attire at their reception. Certainly, my own God is not English; He is the Lord of Glory, a most gracious God who has not instructed me to copy any culture without applying a bit of commonsense. If you cannot see revelation here, it is a sign that you are not meant to see. A teacher who earns N20,000 a month will nevertheless want to kill a cow, rent a hall which costs N200,000, and make a cake which will be the talk of the town.


Actually, we do not need a cake on a wedding day; what we need is sufficient amala and pounded yam for our people, with a lot of egusi. I was bored stiff once in Ondo when, acting the best man for the first (and now I know, the last) time, the best lady started pouring some creamy / foamy nonsense on me.


Notice that I am not condemning the beautiful idea of a best man, but I had previously disagreed with the best lady who wanted me to wear hand gloves, when I was not a foolish corpse, or a parade commander. Yes, of course I wore a suit, but I put it off during the reception because the place was quite hot. And I asked for my food while some people were busy giving senseless admonitions which I knew they themselves did not observe in their homes.


Let me tell you about Pastor Ganiyu, a relation of mine. Well, this man insisted on one Brother Gbenga’s wedding day that the offering, which the church normally collected before joining any couple together, must be N30,000, or no wedding.


People made donations and N28,000 was realised, but Pastor Caniyu said no way. Eventually, Pastor Ganiyu joined the couple at a few minutes past 4p.m, but Gbenga was fuming. “Upon all my work in this church as an interpreter, Pastor Ganiyu, my own very brother, has refused to join me and my wife. All my ogas who I wanted to give cake to have gone! This is wicked. This is my last day in this church!” And it was. Both are extended relations of mine, and do not make the mistake of thinking that I have invented a fable.The bride was very hungry, but said she did not want to eat while wearing the gown, but Pastor Ganiyu would not budge. The Muslims who came to the wedding were saying: “Is this how Christianity is? Well, we do not do our own things like that!” What a shame!

The pastors are jesters on wedding day. They speak for too long, making the day theirs. My sister told me that she once attended a church wedding, which still had not ended at 5p.m.

Eventually, she had to leave in anger, because she and my niece were by then very hungry. Commonsense ought to tell you, Mr Pastor, that a wedding day is actually a day meant for the couple. Why do you speak for so long? It is to milk the people dry. The God that I serve will never collect offering from unbelievers.

Before God accepts anything from you, He first washes you by the waters of regeneration. But the pastors can take money from anyone, even the devil. Men like Orekoya and Babalola are gone. But I am happy we still have men like Amos Omoboriowo, men who do not care a hoot about your money, God-called men who will never join anyone together. And men like me, sent with a liberation message for those who recognise wisdom, not fools who argue their way right into hell. Nigerian weddings are full of expensive rubbish; that is why many don’t marry until they are as old as Galilee. Now, having read this, I have no doubt that you will think very well before inviting me to your wedding.


Mark those who say “Wedding is only done once.” They will not be there when you start your married life in penury.”

Please note that the couple in this article are not related to this story.

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